Losing Faith
by Seselis
Summary: Because his angel's wings are black, and his heart is ruined, Gilbert will have to suffer through it.


_Well, this idea came to me suddenly, but it refused to leave nearly as quickly. Trying to keep a good handle on what's happening in the series, I may be forced to change a few things, but for the most part the plot is solid and unchangeable. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it, and some feedback? My first attempt at Pandora Hearts and I'm seriously wondering if I can keep the characters _in character.

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Prologue

He didn't bother shutting his eyes that night. It was another one of _those_ _days_. So instead he found himself on the balcony, smoking his last dying cigarettes, bored out of his mind as he stared up at the stars.

Everyone was asleep, as they should be, but Gilbert Nightray couldn't bring himself to shut his eyes and let his mind drift. He couldn't even bring himself to turn around to reenter the manor, despite the chill in the air that reached his bones, afraid to catch his reflection in the glass behind him.

But it wouldn't be his reflection, as it never was on one of _those days_, it would be _his_, and if there was one person he did not wish to see, it was _him_. So instead, he leaned against the railing, once again contemplating if it would be better to just throw himself off and end it all. It certainly would solve a lot, or would it solve nothing at all? He didn't exactly know, and that small bit of uncertainty was the one thing that kept his feet rooted to the ground.

"_Gil?"_

Stupidly, he turned around at the sound of his master's voice, despite knowing very well that it was a mockery of it. The voice hadn't been said aloud, it had been spoken in his head, as it always was. And just as usual, he was faced with the glass.

A smile crept to the lips of he who resided inside his reflection.

"_You can hear me again?"_

He turned away, not wanting to listen to any of the nonsense that spilled from lips, but it no longer mattered. Why did he even bother, he _always _lost. He just didn't have the will to resist temptation, even if the _temptation _per se was quite repulsive. He really was a useless servant after all.

"_Gilbert, won't you even look at me?"_

No, no, no, no and no. If he wished to keep _any_ dignity, the least he could do was persevere and keep his eyes off him, that mad man who wanted nothing more but to send the world into chaos for his own selfish, yet unnamed, desires. But to do that he needed a body; a wandering spirit could hardly do any damage.

Unfortunately for him, Gilbert somehow became the candidate for that _body_.

"_We don't have to constantly fight, you know. We could be friends, like Jack and Oz, or acquaintances in the very least."_

Ha, as if _that_ would work. They would be _"friends"_ until he got what he wanted, and then Gilbert would be thrown aside, possibly dying in the process. He knew it well enough; he dealt with many people like him; _he _was even like them to a certain extent. Use everyone and everything, to complete the one desire you wish for the most.

For Gilbert, it was protecting his master, but for _him_, it was something far from innocent.

"_Ignoring me again are you? So un-cute… You do realize I'm the only one who will always be there for you."_

He didn't want to hear it. Anything that came from that man's mouth was poisonous.

"…_Promising _forever_ with your master, you know he won't keep it. You can try as hard as you want to make it happen, but in the end, he'll leave you."_

He covered his ears, giving up on trying to find comfort in the nicotine he inhaled, wanting nothing more than for that man's words to stop. But no matter how soundproof a barrier he created, the words still flowed, repeating itself endlessly in his mind. The words weren't external, but rather internal, and try as he might, he couldn't get rid of that which was a part of him.

"_He's already doing so, haven't you realized? Leaving you behind, always running off to be with that _chain,_ that _parasite_ that offers nothing more but death. You hate her, you hate her _so much_, and yet he ignores your hatred because he _doesn't care_"_

He started to hum aloud, a happy, upbeat tune that hardly reflected his feelings. He would try and try again to drown out the man's words with his offbeat humming, but it was pointless, the words continued, and he could envision the victorious smirk on that man's face in his mind's eye. He would be enjoying this.

"_It's not too long now, you can feel it can't you? He's moving towards the light, and why should he even bother waiting for you? You, who is so full of hatred and distain, so entirely made of darkness you threaten to ruin his sun"_

His humming grew louder and he was entertained with the idea of awaking someone to keep his mind off the voice in his head, that nagging voice that refused to leave and would calmly spill all his fears, promising him that they were indeed coming true.

"_No matter what you tell yourself, he dreams of belonging to a perfect world. He'll tell you over and over he'll want you by his side, but you'll have to continue to change to be able to do so. In the end, he envisions a world you can't belong in, but he's too naïve to recognize he's pushing you out."_

His humming died, it was pointless, and he let himself drop to the ground, still refusing to look behind him to see the man who could only ever appear in his reflection or dreams. He hated that man, but they shared a connection that ran deeper than blood, and whenever he decided to appear, Gilbert would just have to suffer through it.

"_But I'm not like him. I may not be the precious master you've always cherished, and even I can't entertain the thought of you replacing him with me, but unlike him, I'll always be with you. Because like you, I live in darkness."_

He didn't want to hear it, couldn't the man just shut _up? _It was hard enough having to put up with the fears on his own, but to have _him_ of all people reinforce them was hardly fair.

"_You already know that though, don't you? And just like that, you are well aware I could never desert you, as I never had before, even after _you_ had left _me. _Who was it that saved your life twice already?"_

He didn't want to be reminded of such things. It was bad enough the scar on his chest showed him daily how close he had been to dying all those years ago, but to have that man use it as bribery was unforgiveable. (_"Wasn't it your master who slashed you? How cruel~ If it hadn't been for me, you would've surely been killed"_)

"_I'm far from divine, and my wings are stained black rather than white, but in a way, I'm your Guardian Angel, do you not agree? When no one can do anything for you, I'll always sweep in to save the day. Isn't it only fair you open up just the slightest? I can't help bring your mind at ease if you continue to push me out."_

"Shut up…" his whispered words were so silent even to his own ears, but it didn't matter. He would hear, he _always_ heard.

"_Cruel as always, aren't you Gilbert? I was just trying to have a conversation with you, but if you don't want to hear it, I guess it can't be helped. I'll get on with things then."_

"I'm not going to do whatever you tell me to."

"_Again so mean? All I'm asking is for you to contract Griffon."_

"He's already contracted, how many times must I tell you?"

"_He's rightfully yours."_

"No, he's rightfully _yours_."

"_True, but all that's mine I give to you. Zai Vessalius is a slim bag, I'll rather he not have possession over my things."_

Well, they did agree on a few things. Zai Vessalius was _far_ from a deserving person, but even _he_ could beat Gilbert's self-proclaimed guardian angel.

"_Gilbert~ You went quiet all of a sudden, are you ignoring me again?"_

Gilbert refused to answer.

"_Gilbert, are you giving me the silent treatment again? You know it's not going to work, it never does."_

"…"

"_I'll always be by your side, Gilbert. Will you not even grant me permission to see your face?"_

"…Would you shut up if I do?"

"_Told you, you wouldn't last long. And I might, though I can't make any guarantees; I don't get to come out all that often you know."_

Gilbert sighed as he turned around to stare at the glass, his expression giving away just how annoyed he was to deal with the man. He hated him with a passion, but if it'll keep him quiet, he'll deal with a small exchange.

Gold eyes met violet, and he was unsurprised to find that the man's eyes held nothing but boredom. The smile on his lips, however, was sadistic and amused, a combination Gilbert had come to fear long ago.

"_Hello Gilbert."_

"You said you would shut up."

"_I said I might. But my, you're as predictable as always Gilbert."_

"And you're as hateful as ever…Glen."

And with that, Glen's smile reached his eyes as he dissolved into the glass until all Gil could see in his reflection was himself.

How much he hated that man.

And how much he hated himself for being his medium.

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_Well, what do you think? And I know Glen's OOC in this, I'll work on that later on, but it was more or less intentional. The one I'm worried about is Gil, since any OOC-ness from him was unintentional. And yes, I'm well aware that Elliot is more than likely his reincarnation, but bear with me; Elliot's role will be explained later on…_


End file.
